Blog almost over - not yet out

A rough few weeks, difficult at times and a week spent with IV antibiotic in hospital had passed with slight deterioration noted although thankfully little go preclude doing as much as one wished or could. Then .......

This Sunday morning dawns beautiful, warm calm, sunny and yet a fortnight ago about now, breakfast time, a doctor had been sat on my bedside anxiously calling for an ambulance. I had dumped blood. Rather a lot, a couple of significant internal bleeds, thus with practiced professional swiftness and ambulance parked on the drive  right outside the door, paramedics did what they do, in no time I was in hospital, in less I was in the first A&E bay reserved for the most serious of imports. Immediately on O2, cannulated and swiftly wheeled to a ward everything was a blur of shapes, sounds and trust in those around you.

Vaguely aware of being placed in award bay and less vaguely award of being unable to answer the myriad of questions from th endless flow of blue, red and green medics I just felt tired to a degree not generally felt. My first feeling was that my arms were freezing and from that point on a wild ride which seemed somewhat detached from me took place. Scaffolding was erected about me, cannulas, bags, injections, seen not felt. Indistinct people popping up all about me, doctors injecting, nurses rehabbing bags and a voice. Stay with me she said. Hang on to me. Squeeze my hand, stay with me, stay with us, keep on trying. Very gently but very imploring the voice seemed to go on and on.

Much later, almost dusk found me in a side ward with my nearest art near as she could be. She was allowed to stay all night if she wished. Our daughter phoned to say she had arrived home but it was too late to come in so after much hesitancy my visitor left. Shortly after leaving a nurse called Lesley came in with nurse stood in the shadow. This was a paliative care nurse, I was told as, as indeed I was told lots of other things but sleep overtook before the implications became apparent.

The next day saw drips changed, bloods replenished and a daughter sat by the bed for an hour or so talking good times, cars, family, daily goings on. Joy, bliss and I hope I made sense. She left and in what seemed no time her place had been taken by her mum and although I was aware i may not havd been too eloquent.

Shortly after her arrival a nurse whose badge said Aylene leaned over the bed. It was the voice. Hang on, stay with me, that voice. It was now we realised that touch and go had been exceeded. I had been in crash for 20/30 seconds. It was just as well we were all wearing face masks the voice said otherwise you nay have seen the panic! It was all very serious but it was Monday afternoon and apart from 100%O2, blood, saline, at al driping in I was still very much this side of eternity. What a truly, truly lovely nurse, as they all are.

Late that night I was wheeled to another ward and parked amid 10 others thus ushering in a sense of the ordinary, for which I was thankful. On this ward all that went in and out was measured and it was encouraging to see the reduction in frequency of blood units, of which there were 8 or 10.  Once the bloods had been stopped I was off to another ward where carefully controlled visitation was allowed. The care was fabulous but toward the end the Doctors had a long chat to the effect that if it happened again there would be no action that they could take that would be effective. My last trip to hospital had happened and I confess that news came as some relief. From now on the final chapter was being written.

Whilst in hospital the hospice care team had installed a high tech bed, O2 and various other devices at home including a care team visiting, thus on Friday afternoon when I was suddenly asked how soon I could be ready to go I was there! Couldn't stand unaided, couldn't walk without help but home was where I wanted to be. An ambulance equipped with O2 was summoned and I was taken home looked after better than royalty.