Denied a pee by Theresa May

It's not every day that your country's Prime Minister stops you having a pee but today she successfully managed to do so.

Republika Street, the main one.

Knowing that an EU Leaders meeting was happening we watched with amusement from afar. From about 750 metres away, in fact. Last night a succession of LJ45s or similar converged on Luqa from many of the northern capitals. Indeed the one from Lisbon looked like it was going to pick up their neighbour but it was a bluff and just south of Madrid he swung away directly for Luqa. The hotel opposite was well illuminated all evening.

This morning's breakfast was enlivened by the sight of figures on rooves, figures at the rear of the hotel opposite, to the left on a roof in central Valletta figures were clearly visible adopting prone positions like little soldiers. Helicopters buzzed about and Malta's Navy had been unmoored and was not where it had been.

We watched and decided that a visit to Cafe Barrakka was in order as we'd not been there so far this year. Getting there was a bit of a game. Our normal route was hindered by portable gates manned by men who did look serious, flustered or if young, both. We were squeezed past St.George's Square where the dais, spotlights, TV crews and journalists were much in evidence. Fortunately John Pienaar was on duty for had it been the spectacularly self important Laura Kunessberg I may have been tempted to let her know that she doesn't speak for me. In fact, a good reporter reports, a commentator comments, an analyst analyses but she seems to no longer fit any of those categories. Anyway, she wasn't there. Maybe the BBC have swapped her for Robert Peston, again.


We know Valletta well enough to be able to take a succession of back streets and alleyways, avoiding "Strait Street" of course, thanks Mike. Wouldn't like another Lisbon "Texas Bar" incident, would we?

Thus we were soon seated in a favourite spot, refreshment to hand and waitress engaged in delightful conversation as we were her only customers. It's off to the side of Upper Barrakka Gardens alongside The Saluting Battery. I like it there as it is a great vantage point from which to observe the shipping of which there's always enough to keep ones interest for as long as permission is extended.


No big ships today. Bereft of tonnage we had a lifeboat and a multitude of smaller RIBs, some with guns mounted in the bow, some with them at the stern. Further out were the Patrol Boats and beyond that a pair of corvette sized vessels.

Interestingly, the road to the front was closed by a large black BMW as the seafront on this side of Valletta was a black BMW saloon car park along with about a weeks output of small minibuses. An abundance of motorbikes were present, every street had police at the barriers and groups of Men in Black, alas neither Tommy Lee Jones or Will Smith. In fact few were taking things lightly. As we passed a pastizzi shop one went in whilst his partner stood outside doing a very good impression of a man charged with close personal protection of a VIP. It was a trifle incongruous.

Theresa May, in blue. Lousy photo but I'm on holiday.

Now, the Cafe Barrakka has all the facility you need but is it one you want? We have used it but knowing that a few metres up the road lies Upper Barrakka Garden with first class facilities we tend to go up that route. As we did today.

Alas, as we went round the corner a young policeman was in the process of hastily regaining his composure as he'd just placed a gate barring our way. As he was encouraging us to go away Theresa passed into Barrakka Gardens above us. We all need to go so we let her.

Fortunately we know where equally good facilities lie on our way back to the ferry so there was no panic. Which did not seem the case for the young bobbies chasing about the streets as we retraced our steps. It would appear that the morning session was cut short by an hour so obviously Theresa was more desperate to go than us so we forgive her.

More seriously it would seem that she came, told "them" to put their 2% into the defence, or should that be defense, pot and all would be well. Little discussion ensued so they went out of the Armoury in St.George's square, had a photo call, went about 50m along Republika Street to the Co-Cathedral. Toured that and saw the Caravaggio, then Barrakka gardens, down the lift to a boat where they were ferried to Vittoriosa and thence to Birgu for food. I hope they didn't overwhelm Cafe Brasil as we intend going there on Monday.

Once they'd eaten they meet again sans Theresa and disperse. About an hour ago we saw all the blue lights and black cars dispersing and before that the navy moored up in its usual berth.

We also caught a ferry and returned for food. Not any old food, but M&S Cornish Cruncher Cheddar & Pickled Onion Crisps and Cisk, of course as it was very hot. Even the fresh breeze was hot.

So much excitement. However, I am puzzled as by my rough calculations, and info gleaned, 800 came, not all were worthy of cars and private jets but those who were arrived at the Armoury between 1000 and 1030. By 1230 they had been photoed and were in Upper Barrakka Gardens.

Assume a couple of hours for using the facilities, descending the lift, a boat ride, a wander, sit, eat and then go back would mean a 1430 reconvening at the earliest and probably nearer 1500 - 1530. This is the Mediterranean, after all. The navy came back between 1500 and 1600 by which time the flashing blue lights were already chaperoning black saloons along Valletta waterfront.

Excuse me, but than implies a maximum of a 90 minute session this morning and maybe an hour this afternoon. After having flown these people all over Europe in state supplied jets, that's it? Apart from providing BMW with a huge advert and massive sales, paid who knows how much in salaries for probably as many pairs of suits as it would take to populate a small town, make the place gleaming and spangly, what will all that expenditure have achieved?

We won't even consider the inconvenience of everyone in Malta's capital city which is not very big, at a guess I'd say you could fit it in the Thames between the Millennium Bridge and Tower Bridge and still have room for HMS Belfast to steam around it but it's still quite something.

The logistics of all this amazes me. And I am left wondering what it's all for? Last night the BBC World Service announced that Mrs.May was coming for the morning meeting to bear news from Trumpton and then she was leaving. So they knew what she was going to say anyway.

I just hope that she thinks as highly of the loos in Upper Barrakka Gardens as we do but for what it's worth, the loos in the Fortification Centre are so much nicer and far fewer even know of their existence. Fewer still know about the lift access.

Surely, though, could they not have stayed at home, had a video conference, used their own loos and still have achieved no less?