Amazing, ridiculous, sublime

At 1030 this morning the postman rang the doorbell and in return for a signature I am now in receipt of a blue badge. It's such a strange thing, so often associated with others, their age and ailments it feels a little awkward having your own so suddenly.

Right up to the moment you park by the hotel door and find yourself wheezing by the time you've got to reception.

It is truly amazing and testimony to just how efficient Lesley at Hospiscare is. What a lady, thank you. Somehow I assumed that it would take ages and yet here if is in use already.

Rather wonderfully my management consultant suggested a couple of nights in a hotel with sea or harbour views at the other end of The Jurassic Coast.

I felt pretty good as the late night codeine seem to be doing their stuff rather well so it seemed a good idea. Last minute telephone dot com and it's all sorted. Two nights, first evening meal thrown in and a harbour view. Sounded good.

 It was good. Keeping the English Channel as close as possible and telling the Sat nav that a ferry trip was a good thing we gently bimbled our way along the south coast. Lovely, utterly lovely.

Which is more than can be said of the harbour view. I know this harbour well and I wasn't impressed with their ridiculous idea of a what a harbour view looks like. The side of the adjacent hotel wall between your window and the harbour does not a harbour view make. I didn't mention the clanking of a chain ferry and car disembarking suffice to say that two nights listening to that would be beyond codeine.

Ever resourceful, my management engaged with their management and our view became proper.

I have sat here all afternoon watching. AIS never far away, binoculars poised but I didn't even think to bring a scanner. Sublime or what?

There have also been almost endless streams of these type of boats coming going and stopping outside the window.

I could get to like this, may be a struggle to just sit around watching the tideflow and boats come and go but I'll give it a go, till Friday when we'll have to move the blue badge again and head back west.

Thank you, Lesley. You were right. It does make life easier, much easier for both of us.

New chapter, same as the old one ..... just different

A couple of weeks ago I had a bad day.

The morning didn't feel good, nor the afternoon either, the evening gave the opportunity to all that was in me to come out. The opportunity was accepted and acted upon and with a degree of malice. It felt like my innards were at war, which indeed they are.

The next day was altogether calmer but different. Appetite reticent. Comfort negligible. Symptoms strange. Breathlessness noticeable. Head confused. Clarity absent. Peace mercifully intact.

It was a relief to know that my next appointment would be with a Hospiscare nurse.
The letter had arrived and it contained a very familiar form to be filled in prior to the appointment!



Lesley is a delight. After a very generous ninety minutes all was calm, all was bright and many burdens lifted. I think I passed the interview!

We began with Hospiscare ..... Yup, I know them, did PR photography with my mate Mike for years but he manages on his own now! Oh, and my mate Alan is the man who looks after the Hospice hardware, a very efficient maintainer of all he sees.

Then, what the hospice does ....... Yup, my mum died in St.Julia's, Hayle, our son in Ty Olwen,  Morriston, Swansea. I want to die in one, too, if possible, please. If not a hospice then a hospital will do but not at home. I know that one day there will be a cannula into which a driver will force ever increasing pain killers until such time as my body whispers, enough.

I want this house to be where I lived, not where I died. Makes no difference to me but it makes a world of difference to those who live on.

Do you have a faith? Oh yes, we're Christians so our faith is a big deal. The biggest. Faith doesn't make anything easy but it does make everything possible.

Then began the business. I've lost count of those forms that I've ticked but for the first time someone referred to them, our job, said Lesley, is to try to move some of those ticks to the left and to try to slow down the rightward migration of others. Excellent.

Drugs, opiates, morphine, as and when, other pain killers for now, blue badge to make life a bit easier, forms to be filled in, doctors to see ref. prescriptions, etc., etc., etc..  Lesley would see to it. All of it. Burdens lifted from both of us in her presence.

The new chapter has local phone numbers 24/7 for help, advice, the allaying of anxieties. Not so many good days, more like good bits in most days, strange tiredness after eating accompanied by cold feet! The discomfort felt since surgery of such minor import that its been all but totally ignored is no longer mere discomfort. At times its quite sore, enough to wake me up usually between 0400 and 0600 and once it's kicked in it takes a time to manage it but once manageable it can be coped with. The nausea is not quite constant but like everything else once under control its far, far from intolerable.

In reality not so much has changed, days away in nice hotels with views are likely to be nights away and within an hour or two but we live in a lovely place so it's no hardship. Less doing stuff, though and when I mentioned my bike Lesley said to eBay it.

Another chapter but some things remain constant, the last few days have been ones of total delight, burdens lifted and I've lost count of the mugs of coffee/tea that have been made for all our visitors.

It's all about people and we've had so many through the door that it's made life the joyous delight that it is.

All in all we have so much to be so thankful for. And we are. We really are.
Thank you.