My day began poorly, long night waiting for Oramorph to join the Zomorph and unite in the battle against the belly and right side. Eventually they must have managed because I remember waking up, grabbing the paracetamol and waiting till 1000 for the next dose of Zomorph. I may have plundered the box a little early.
Our friend from round the corner came at 1030 and two coffees were a joy, alas my company must have been a matter of endurance for her but she was spared an awkward exit as I knew that the caffeine fix was the precursor to her Pilates.
Feeling a bit more human I was delightfully surprised by a great friend with whom I spent 25 years in a workshop, ringing the doorbell at about 1230. A couple of hours flew by. History flowed and current affairs intruded. He knows me so well that he makes every conversation easy and is unafraid to raise issues that few others would. Today I was appraised of The Death Cafe, meeting an evening every month in a library in our nearest city centre. I may like to go but running from 1900 - 2100 is mostly past my bedtime or at least eating into my listening time.
I found the whole notion of a Death Cafe hugely interesting but would I go? No. I'd be too disruptive, too certain of things that most expend energy to remain uncertain of. The fact that people desire to talk about death does not mean that they are prepared to think about it, think deeply, long and hard. One of the saddest signs of this is the clap for a minute mentality that has usurped the minutes silence. Thinking for a minute is hard work and may not be pleasant when the object of ones thought is death.
There is nothing good about cancer. Absolutely nothing. It is a vile disease. It is when cells selfishly do their own thing with no regard for the good of the organism sustaining them. It is a wicked disease. You cannot fight it, even though celebrity deaths generate headlines of their brave fight it's rubbish. The most you can do with cancer is thank the nurses, drink as much water as you can before they need to put a needle into you and offer your arms willingly. You cannot do anything to stop a maliciously multiplying cell from doing that which it is designed to do. Drugs can but you can't.
Death is different. Firstly the death rate is about 100% last time I looked. It happens. And it is a horrible thing. You can dress it up however you like, he/she are in the other room, they've sailed away, gone outside. So much nonsense prevails. The dead are dead. They aren't coming through the front door ever again, they aren't going to ring and you can't ring them, no more emails, no more whatsapps no more communication. No more photo de jour. No one to advise in their area of expertise. No one to tell you to not be so stupid. Not there. Not living. Dead. Full stop. Final. Precious memories but death is death. You can't dress it up as any other, no matter how nice the clapping, tweeting, sadface icons or whatever.
Whether I like it or not Paul is never going to drive our Merc. Every time I get in it that's my first thought. He would have loved it. He'd have taken his wife off in it, after checking the fuel gauge and left us with a grandson. He'd have come back with a grin a mile wide and a somewhat lighter fuel tank. But he will never do it. He died before we got it. Death is unavoidable and it is a terrible thing.
However, it is not the end and this is why I'd be so disruptive at a Death Cafe. With no agenda, no rules, no definition it's left up to you so it would be a talking shop. Ideas would be exchanged and comfort sought. Comfort in mindfulness and calm, comfort in spirituality, reincarnation, whatever brings you a degree of peace. What it could not cope with is certainty. As soon as you insert certainty and a confidence into such a situation it destroys whatever peace there is and inevitably brings conflict simply because if I'm right it logically means that everyone else is wrong and we simply can't have that, can we?
As a whole western society appears ever more frightened of certainty. Worse, we deny the fact that one can be certain. Lately, if you are certain of pretty much anything it's labelled "hate" and the police come knocking. It is inevitable once we allow such laxity in the meaning of words we become like Alice, a word can mean whatever I want it to mean. Thus, certainty now equates with hate simply because it challenges uncertainty and as long as we remain uncertain we can cope, we are happy but certainty brings challenge. It brings rational and logical challenges to our mindset. We are forced to decide what is true and what is not. That is challenging me. It is so much eaiser to let your truth be yours and let mine be mine. Just think of the logic of that for a minute in silence. That results in conflicted thinking. I dont like it so it's hate. That shuts the door of our minds, bolts it, locks it and swallows the key.
All our views are equally valid we are told, comfort and being kind is most important. No. Truth is all that matters. Not my truth or your truth but absolute truth. Its not about what I may or may not think, its what you know to be true. However, I'm nobody special. I have no great intellect. I have nothing special in my thinking that I would seek to offer anyone else. What I do have is an unshakeable faith in Jesus Christ, the one written about in the bible. I offer nothing, Jesus offers everything. The faith of Christianity is not a vague belief in a book, its not a mindset that sorts problems. It is a person. A very special person who the entire bible is devoted to showing us. The bible just paints word pictures to show us who Jesus is.
I can't help it if people belittle the bible, consider it nonsense and readily dismiss it for whatever reason they choose but if they do all I would ask them is have they read it? Most of the sceptics I've met haven't. At most they've read bits that are difficult, bits they find far fetched, bits they've read about or bits they just heard about. But rarely have they read it, rarer still without preconditions.
So, no, I couldn't go to a Death Cafe as all I have to offer is certainty and a hope that is set in concrete. I couldn't offer peace based on reincarnation mindfulness, being at one with nature or whatever else is on offer. If attendees find a degree of solace, comfort and peace in the company of others that is a wonderful thing for them and thus I heartily approve of the intentions behind the Death Cafe but for me there is only one who brings solace, comfort and lasting peace and I am satisfied in Him.
The God of the bible as shown by the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is all I need. It's all I've got. It's what allows me to look at the edge of eternity and feel such a depth of excitement and joy that peace just fills every pore. I don't need discussion, or counselling I just need to know that when I die I'm going Home, to be with Jesus which is exactly what it says on Paul's headstone.
Today, however was calm and sunny so we went across the moors and saw my Dad in hospital. I'm not sure he knew my name but he knew who I was which was pretty good for a 90 year old who thought he was in Egypt. One day soon well meet in our new home and we'll all know who we are, where we are, why we are there and just who it is that brought us there.
Death isn't the end, what comes after is so much better and if you'll forgive me for saying so, sometimes I can't wait.
So that was World Cancer Day 2020, I hope today was World Visit Your Dad in Hospital Day, tomorow can be World Enjoy Roast Lamb With Friends Day and one day will be the day we finally go home day.
Peace, Joy and Comfort in abundance. A day to look forward to.
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