Fake mantras, true friendship

No plans, no expectations has been a mantra of mine for a while now. Not really a mantra in that it isn't a religious oft repeated saying but it does colour the thinking in that it recognises that the place where I am is as good a place as it can be but it would be unwise to make plans and even moreso to confidently expect their positive outcome. All our friends are aware so if we say yes and don't it's OK, our intentions do not always match our desired outcome.

However, it doesn't stop me from having a go. Not often and only when considered extremely important accepting that I may fail to fulfil and fall far short of what I'd like. This last Friday the delight of my eyes had to have hers looked at and a cataract removed. For weeks I've been stating that I can take her and collect her. Initial scepticism saw me told that she'd go by bus and if I was up to it she'd call for collection.

Then word got out. One of her glorious garden centre coffee companions was going to collect and deliver at both ends of the procedure. She was not the only one offering her services but she is one you don't argue with. She is to music what Rembrandt is to light. Both know how they want the finished article presented. Not because they're better than anyone else, but they are, nor that they have more talent, although they do but because the depth in their art lies in the fact that they can see the finished painting before the first brush stroke and hear the final performance way before it takes place. This is what separates the merely good from the truly great. Their dedication to producing a work of art is what drives them and recognising that is why wise people keep out of the way and let them take you somewhere you otherwise couldn't go. They carry an authority gently yet fragility is acknowledged but not given in to. Rare character seldom seen quietly recognised humbly enjoyed.

I reluctantly, but wisely acceded to my wife's wishes to be transported by someone able, reliable and infinitely better company as well. She is a remarkable lady, one from whom I have learned so much. On one occasion she rang the doorbell just to give me a hug. No coffee, no tea, just a hug. Another occasion saw her at our door with a box of steak, really good steak, all the niceities and a bottle of red as we had just come back from Paul's at what was a very difficult time. She, too has suffered terrible family tragedy and bereavement but there she was providing, helping. Sympathizing, empathising, driven by experience but sadly reminded of it too no doubt. I remember being in awe of that lady, and still am.

For the life of me I couldn't really work out why she did so much for us. What had we ever done to merit such love and kindness? Being a bit thick it took a while but you realise that such actions have nothing to do with our goodness, merit or anything to do with us. They are a product of a person who is living out goodness, kindness and constantly giving of themselves. It is because they are so good that we are blessed through them, it is not because we deserve it, it is because it is the natural out working of a person steeped in kindness. A person whose default is to give, unconditionally and wholly but it is given, never forced, never insisted upon just gently offered, completely as a perfectly thought through whole solution.

That artistic vision once again permeates everything. The end is envisioned before most of us have even considered the beginning. The whole event was sorted, collection, delivery, collection delivery and her life so arranged as to ensure that our lives are made more comfortable, more secure, more relaxed and just better. No thought of her own needs to rearrange whatever plans may have been laid but all put in subjection to our wellbeing. But there's far more to it than that, there's the total faith that we have in her, she has said, she will do. It will be done we can rest assured. If there's any better living example of how Christianity is shown in daily life I don't know of it. Total security because of the goodness of someone else prepared to make sacrifices for someone else. Just to see it is wonderful, to experience it a privilege.

That's what friends are, people who give not because they must but because they can.  People who always and ever go that yard further than they need, who give wholeheartedly and look strangely at you when your jaw drops (again) and shake their heads when thanked. Such people display the goodness of God without even knowing it. We are so fortunate to know so many, and, no I'm not worthy, nor is it deserved and that is why I'm so glad that so few are like me and so many like her.

Thus, it was my only duty to stay well enough to be able to make tea, light fire, drip drops and do whatever else was required by the casualty upon her return. I even got that so wrong.

Early night on Thursday, then. Unfortunately I was not awake for her departure, the phone rang judiciously placed alongside my ear at 1000 to tell me to take my pills and that I'd been up in the night. Nor was I awake for her return. I became aware of noises below so assuming I ought to be on coffee duty I descended the stairs at about 1530. Half way down I knew it wasn't my best move but I wobbled to the kitchen anyway and offered coffee. Alas, intentions and ability met in opposition and I was sent back to bed. Eventually an hour or so later I sallied forth for another go. It must have been OK as I was entrusted with the eye drops. Tea appeared but by 1930 I was back and comatose where I remained, I think, until 0600 ish this morning.

Plans planned, expectations diminished but even they were thwarted. All in all on the very day when I thought I could be of some use, when I thought I could in some insignificant way pay back a tiny bit it was not to be.

Thinking about it was not a happy time until it dawned on a thicket like me that even when I'm here I'm not a lot if good and she is still looked after so well, when I'm not here she will be still looked after. Friends will see to that as they respond to show God's goodness to others every day of their lives.

Thus on a day of such great significance I was rendered totally useless but even in that there was such a depth of encouragement that my mind is still swimming in the goodness of friends, the over ruling of my plans by one who knows infinitely better, indeed, the only one who can make plans sure in their execution.

As the old hymn asks, how great is the God we adore? Very.