Hi all,
Thought it was about time for another update, keep you up to speed with what’s happening in Perkin Chemo Land…
So, this is the end of week 2 / start of week 3 and it’s been mighty strange. Tiredness doesn’t cover it really, nor does really fatigued but at the same time I’d not say I was utterly exhausted, somewhere between the two. Somewhat irritatingly too this can come out of the blue. Take last Monday (I think?) as an example, woke up relatively early (like 7am or something), felt pretty good, took my pills, made myself porridge (for the first time in my 35 years on this delightful planet) and was planning to go for a gentle walk (read drive on a rather underpowered scooter) with Boaz and Jo, lovely. Shortly after breakfast I said to Jo I needed a bit of a nap and woke up at 1:30pm. What is going on there?! I have to say more than most things that really got on my nerves, your body conning you into thinking a nice normal morning was on the cards only to dash your hopes at the last minute by being useless. Ah, the joys of chemotherapy! Fortunately this was a very short lived phase so my sanity wasn’t completely ruined…
Other than the copious amounts of sleep (often out of the blue) it’s actually not been too bad a week. There were a few days between week 1 and 2 which were great, got lots done etc, but this week has been mostly spent doing very little. The last few days have felt like being dragged out of the sleep induced chemical coma back to something slightly more normal but I’m still getting out of breath ludicrously quickly, par for the course I think. Yesterday (Saturday) was a great day, finally actually got out on the scooter, made it to within a whisker of Verdi’s before the wind arrived and so we battled the biting cold back to the parents rented house on the mumbles waterfront (as you do). Boaz enjoyed a few episodes of fireman Sam while Jo and I warmed up before heading home to a cosy woodburner an hour or so later. Delightful. Earlier in the week we’d enjoyed a delightful night seemingly a world away amid the endless glamour of the costa-del-Aberavon, the rain leaving red holes in the back of your head, the wind screaming through the security fencing, ah, nothing like it. Fortunately the hotel was not only waterproof but windproof too and so we enjoyed a quiet few days away from baby monitors and a kitchen, unbroken sleep and letting other people cook, very pleasant. Dare I say it though, 1 night away from home and we’d both missed the boy, his tantrums and all, gluttons for punishment the pair of us.
I think the next few days are going to be as good as it gets so we’re going to try and make the most of them, it does all rather depend on the random nature of what chemo brings though, hopefully a bit of consistency for 4 days…. I fancy I’m being a touch optimistic on that front though. On Tuesday I’ve got bloods ready for chemo on Thursday and then a meeting with the Prof on Wednesday. That will be an interesting meeting as he now has another up to date CT scan from last week so he’ll have a good idea on how the cancer is spreading, how fast, and perhaps a better idea of how long the Lord is going to give me before calling me home. We’ll wait and see on that one. I’ll try and pop another update together late next week once we have some more info for you.
Again I just want to thank everyone for everything they’re doing. I can’t praise the people who have made us meals enough, I’ve eaten delightful bolognaises, fantastic curries, pies of almost all size and variety and I thank each and every one of you who has taken the time to make those and the myriad other meals I haven’t mentioned – Jo and I really do appreciate it more than we can say. I also want to say a mahoosive thank you to those who just relentlessly continue to pray, and I know there are hundreds (thousands?) of you out there – thank you so much. Even when things have been pretty grim over the last few weeks to have that assurance that not only is Jesus with me but he knows my every need and is intensely interested in everything I go through is incredible. To have such peace when you’re awake at 3am (again!) and are able to pray about people, situations, etc that people have mentioned is such a privilege; I can’t ever remember being so at ease and having such peace so consistently for such a long period of time even though things have been hard – that’s because you’ve all been praying and I thank you immensely. Please keep at it – and if you could find a few extra minutes to pray for my parents as well I would greatly appreciate it, they’ve been incredible but what a trial to go through, the Lord is asking a lot of them and they need his help to be able to have that same peace and joy as they go on consistently looking after and supporting the three of us.
Finally I’ll leave you with this verse that has stuck with me for the last few weeks. I’ve read it probably dozens of times before but it’s never stuck in my head like it has this time:
Proverbs 20:24 (in the NLT):
“The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?”
It is so tempting to try and think about why I’m going through what I’m going through, why there is injustice, why things go wrong when we least need them to etc etc. The thing is Jesus knows, he’s planned this out from before the beginning of time and with very good reasons, who am I to argue with God?! I’m quite happy to just trust him and lean on him for the help he gives every single day. We know that sin has right royally screwed up this entire world, we know that the reason things go wrong is because we chose to ignore God and try and run the joint our way, the joy of trusting Jesus is that as a Christian I know that he’s already written the story of my life, it’s the best story for me and as long as I trust and follow him it’ll work out for the best, even if it really doesn’t feel like it sometimes. The job I’ve got to do is look to him, take one day at a time, don’t worry about tomorrow and enjoy everything that’s he gives every single day. And he gives a lot. For the things that are hard he offers huge help, peace, guidance and reassurance. That’s not to say it’s easy, but it’s a whole bucketload easier than doing it on your own. Jesus says in Matthew:
“Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest”
I know the time for rest isn’t here yet (it’s coming!), but the burden of going through cancer is most definitely lifted with Him on your side.
Jesus says in John 10: “My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life”
That’s something that not even cancer can ruin.
Cheers all!
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